Assume – suppose to be the case, without proof.
As the saying goes, when you assume, you make an ass of ‘u’ and ‘me’. Unfortunately, we men assume all the time.
We assume that our wife knows what we are thinking.
We assume that others know what’s going on.
We assume that what we have to say doesn’t have any value or that others already know what we are thinking.
The thing about assumptions is that they are almost always wrong. Your wife does not know what you’re thinking. That thought you were hesitant to share could have been exactly what a struggling friend needed to hear.
Assuming is triggered by fear and also by ego, and it can lead you down a slippery slope. That slippery slope can have a negative effect on your marraige, your relationship with your kids, your job, and importantly, yourself.
One of the many dangers of assuming is creating unspoken expectations, which results in covert contracts. A covert contract is an unspoken agreement you have between you and somebody else. You expect someone to do something without actually telling them about it. Then, when they don’t hold up their end of this unspoken bargain, we hold it against them. Men make these covert contracts all the time, and they are manipulative. The results of covert contracts can be devastating.
In this episode of Untaming Masculinity, Dan and Brad dive into why men make assumptions and enter into covert contracts with others. They talk about what drives this sort of behavior in men and why it’s so damaging. Most importantly, they talk about how you can stop assuming. The key is to say exactly what you need to say. While we can be driven by fear, that fear wants us to expect the worst.
What, honestly, is the worst that can happen when you simply tell the truth and be intentional?
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